Western Mass at the Schoenborn Corral. (No, it’s not a parody).

Austrian Catholic at Mass. Source: Card. Schoenborn.

Bored of the Catholic Mass?

Can’t stand sitting there in the pew without anything practical to do?

Think you are just wasting your time?

Fancy a “Costume Mass”, where you can sport your new western costume?

No time in your life for sensible things like smoking, eating and drinking beer?

Or perhaps not a Catholic, but you’d like to have a Catholic Communion – for a change – nevertheless?

We have what you want! Cardinal Schoenborn is your friend! This year he has expressly authorised (for the third time) our new and beautiful…… Western Mass!

Look for yourself on Gloria.tv how modern, relevant, hip and FUN Catholicism can be!

“Things cannot remain as they are”. This is not I, dear friends, saying so. Who am I to say such things? Why would you ever believe me? No, this is the Cardinal himself! What a jolly good fellow he is…..

Come visit us next year! You’ll be able to sit at a table in a pleasant Biergarten whilst a western band plays some beloved evergreens. You’ll be able to take a sunbath with your little child, have a chat with your friends and in general have a lot of FUN, all whilst the Mass goes on. No time losses, no boring queues, no having to listen, no inconvenient fasting anymore! You’ll exchange the “sign of peace” across the tables. At Communion time, just go up and get your host in your hand; try not to have ketchup on them but hey: you’re eating, right? Just please stand up when the priest asks you to, you’ll feel very pious. And oh,  please do, do try to be somewhat silent during Communion. We are very reverent.

Look at the video: how happy everyone is! How satisfied! Particularly the priest, entertaining you about the necessity to “change the way the Church does things” and to “reach out to everyone”. Capital fellow. So nice.

If you’d like to participate next year, please do give a look at the video and see that we are not telling lies. The video is in German (Austria, again; lots of fans in the area; beer is good, too), but we trust you’ll have a clear picture of what is happening anyway.

Before you look at the video, please send the children to bed and do not show this to sincere Catholics of an advanced age, or with a heart condition. We must take care, in a non-judgmental manner,  of our less fortunate brothers who are unable to understand that we have to change and reach out to everyone.


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41 Responses to Western Mass at the Schoenborn Corral. (No, it’s not a parody).

  1. teresa says:

    It is absolutely unacceptable.

    But beside the severe liturgical abuse, it is also ridiculous how they’ve abandoned their own culture.

    Austrian wine is better than Coco Cola, and Austrian food much better than grilled meat.

    I protest against this Americanisation.

    the real Austrian culture of eating out door:


  2. Benedict Carter says:

    As I am in search of peace of mind and want to avoid contention where possible, I will not say anything except that I need now to clean up the bathroom. I appear to have been rather ill all over the floor.


  3. churchmouse says:

    Wasn’t his the diocese where a rogue woman ‘bishop’ demanded to receive Communion at a Mass at which he officiated? It would have been about a year ago.

    And then there was the procession around the same time where the Host was a large pitta bread held up with barbeque tongs?


  4. mmvc says:

    When you used the expression “thin end of the wedge” in one of your comments on the “Ecclesia Dei…” post, this ghastly video immediately sprung to mind. Only I didn’t post the link to it for fear of provoking the reaction Benedict seems to have suffered from…
    This calls for prayers of reparation.


  5. teresa says:

    Churchmouse: both cases you mentioned were in Linz.


  6. churchmouse says:

    Thanks, teresa!


  7. teresa says:

    The celebrant in this case is the Canon of Stephan’s Cathedral Anton Faber.


  8. mmvc says:

    Should have made clear that the comment I was referring to at 18.03 was yours, Mundabor. Sorry. A giveaway, if ever there was one, that I’m new to the world of blogging!


  9. Mundabor says:

    “Zur Kommunion sind alle getauften Christen eingeladen, die im Herzen den Wunsch zum Empfang der Kommunion spueren und die bleibende Gegenwart des Herrn in der Gestalt der Eucharestie bekennen”.

    I will try my translation as: “All baptised Christians who feel in their heart the desire to receive Communion and recognise the continuing presence of the Lord under the Form of the Eucharist are invited to receive Communion”.

    Now, AFAIK it is possible, in limited cases to be discussed with the bishop, that an individual who manifests faith in the sacraments and is properly disposed (I understand this as: planning conversion) may receive communion even if formally not (yet) a Catholic. Tony Blair is a point in case.

    But this seems to me much different and much more lax.


  10. omvendt says:

    Is Schönborn not largely responsible for the 1994 Catechism?

    It’s not so long ago that he was thought of as papabile.

    What in the name of God has happened to this man?


  11. joyfulpapist says:

    Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.


  12. cumanus says:

    omvendt “What in the name of God has happened to this man?”

    A question I hear posed often these days in my neighbourhood (as it were), and the answers seem to be as varied as the questioners are numerous.

    Some may have noticed of recent, attention being drawn in the media (especially some of the more followed “vaticanologists”) to the fact that BXVI is changing the faces of both the hierarchy and the Curia : he tends to appoint professors where previous popes might have preferred seasoned administrators. So far this hasn’t worked out really all that well…


  13. Mundabor says:

    you are doing wonderfully and thank you for remembering me 😉
    Omvendt, if he has been involved it might explain why around half of the space of the CCC is taken by notes obsessively trying to anchor almost every paragraph in Vatican II.

    This blog lists the links to the online version of several older Catechisms. You’ll see how well-formulated and practical they are.



  14. Mundabor says:

    “A question I hear posed often these days in my neighbourhood (as it were), and the answers seem to be as varied as the questioners are numerous”.

    As he comes from an extremely old family may I add mine: inbreeding.


  15. teresa says:

    One of his most famous ancestors was the Archbishop of Mainz, Prince elector Johann Philipp von Schönborn, who played an important role during the 30 years’ war and was the first lord who banned the persecution of witches. He was also a patron of Leibniz.


  16. toadspittle says:

    I must recuse myself, here. The gentleman in the picture looks too much like me.

    Except that I must comment on Teresa’s post at 19.31

    Banned the persecution of witches, did Johann?
    There’s always some old killjoy in every team.


  17. Mundabor says:

    I would be tempted to say “Unkraut stirbt nie”, but that might appear ungenerous toward the ancestors as a whole…. 😉


  18. Mundabor says:

    you who live in such a solar and joyous country should be more accustomed to see the positive in everything. The witches thus spared from sure and horrible death were then free to give, through their descendants, a contribution to the population of a young country in dire needs of hands: Australia.


  19. teresa says:

    Moratinos, I once saw a postcard with two prelates who look disappointedly out of the window down to a square, saying “after the inquisition was given up, we’ve lost our most popular events”.


  20. teresa says:

    Moratinos, you need to grow a moustache to look like him.


  21. cumanus says:

    As a matter of fact, Mundabor, Wicca and other modern Neo-pagan movements (which have no continuity with historical witches – whatever they may have been – but love to pretend they do) are increasingly popular in Australia – often considered the most post-Christian Western society.


  22. Mundabor says:

    two months ago I would have doubted your words.
    For some reason I don’t do it anymore…

    The problem is that the chaps never had a proper Roman Inquisition, did they?
    If you leave an entire country without proper guidance, you encourages laxity and heresy… 😉



  23. Benedict Carter says:

    Father Cumanus:

    That means it’s red hat time!


  24. Annie says:

    Would any of you object if there was an interlude during the Mass? I always associate beer gardens with singing:


  25. teresa says:

    the student prince, did it take place in Heidelberg?


  26. Mundabor says:

    I think that Mass in Austria did have an interlude during the Mass. Possibly more than one. The western orchestra seemed to me to perform during mass.
    Distribution of Communion was (says the commenter) accompanied from the immortal notes of “we are the world”, that mainstay of Catholic sacred music.

    Beautiful song you have posted btw 😉



  27. Mundabor says:

    And before I forget: at the end, the priest thanks the faithful for having had the opportunity to say Mass. Very kind of them to deign to assist whilst eating, drinking and smoking, I assume. I am sure he was tempted to add “I hope it has not inconvenienced you too much”. Astonishing.

    When I was young and cynical, in cases like that I used to say something about retroactive abortions; but then I grew older and half wider and stopped saying these things.



  28. teresa says:

    Before I turn off the computer I just had a look at
    And there they remind me of an official document concerning the proper celebration of the Eucharist:


  29. Annie says:


    Yes, in Heidelberg at the old castle. If you haven’t been yet, may I suggest a trip there? – it’s a charming town.


  30. teresa says:

    Good night all.


  31. teresa says:

    Annie, I lived there for some years!
    “ich habe mein Herz, in Heidelberg verloren etc.”
    The clock of the town hall plays at 12:oo noon always this song.
    Now I am going to bed. See you soon again.


  32. Annie says:


    “The western orchestra seemed to me to perform during mass.”

    Yes, and I heard Michael Jackson’s name announced. I hope they did “billy jean”; otherwise, I’m not going.


  33. irenaeusofnewyork says:

    God forbid Schoenborn becoming the next Pope. I feel as though many like to tout his supposed “credentials” having edited the catechism…. what a crock.

    off topic –
    Benedict Carter. Thanks for leaving this link on DT’s. I had been away from that blog and I did not recognize it when I returned. What an aweful place holysmoke has become.


  34. frererabit says:

    Toadspittle, you flatter yourself. The old sozzled codger in the picture is much more distinguished looking than you and he doesn’t have moulting dog hair all overbid jacket. It’s great to see you posting here! Cheers! Sweet dreams…


  35. frererabit says:

    Teresa, since your complaint about this bunch of liturgical cowboys seems to be mostly aimed at the Germans’ cultural paucity, I take it that themed Masses are not necessarily a bad thing? Having met and windsurfed with many Germans over the past decade in Torbole on Lake Garda, one of the best windsurfing spots in Europe and far more accessible from Germany than England (an easy four hour drive from Munich), I am thrilled by the liturgical possibilities. A windsurfing Mass would involve a priest, deacon, sub-deacon and various servers, thurifer etc. moored in the centre of the lake with on a police launch furnished with a portable altar, in the fastest lanes for speeding windsurfers between Torbole and Riva. Obviously for maximum effect, the windsurfing Mass should take place during the strongest wind of the day, blowing down the valley from the Tyrolean mountains in the north, about mid-morning. Judges on the shore with binoculars would score the performance of the communicants, rating them for style, poise, ability to collect the host from the priest while windsurfing with one hand on the boom, and top marks for receiving on the tongue while whizzing past kneeling on the surfboard. Special novelty performances (e.g. the windsurfing thurifer competition) would add extra dignity and gravitas to the liturgy, and the Crucifer would for obvious reasons have a slightly modified mast. Thank you for drawing this to our attention. This beats the boring old Extraordinary Form any day… Well, perhaps not on a day without any wind.


  36. Mundabor says:

    the saddest thing is that you have certainly written a brilliant piece of humour, but there is someone out there who would really start thinking about that…..

    The video I have posted yesterday also includes a short communication from the “celebrant”. It makes you want to start the pyre on the spot. He insists that the Cardinal has told that “nothing can remain as it was” (German build their phrases differently and stress them differently, sometimes it is difficult for me to give the real meaning) whilst people happily eat their bratwurst before him.


  37. Mundabor says:

    thanks for the links, I managed to listen to the beginning of five of them, but had to interrupt for obvious reasons.Whilst I was listening, entirely new uses for these hymns became apparent to me as they would be a wonderful new device to be used during delicate interrogations of terrorism suspects.


  38. cumanus says:

    Anyone remember this old hymn?

    Soul of my Saviour sanctify my breast,
    Body of Christ, be thou my saving guest,
    Blood of my Saviour, bathe me in thy tide,
    wash me with waters gushing from thy side.

    Strength and protection may thy passion be,
    O blessed Jesus, hear and answer me;
    deep in thy wounds, Lord, hide and shelter me,
    so shall I never, never part from thee.

    Guard and defend me from the foe malign,
    in death’s dread moments make me only thine;
    call me and bid me come to thee on high
    where I may praise thee with thy saints for ay.


  39. Benedict Carter says:

    I do! One of my two favourites, together with “Sweet Sacrament Divine”.


  40. toadspittle says:

    ”This beats the boring old Extraordinary Form any day… Well, perhaps not on a day without any wind.”

    Worry not, Rabit. With you around, a day without wind is not possible…


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