Bored of the Catholic Mass?
Can’t stand sitting there in the pew without anything practical to do?
Think you are just wasting your time?
Fancy a “Costume Mass”, where you can sport your new western costume?
No time in your life for sensible things like smoking, eating and drinking beer?
Or perhaps not a Catholic, but you’d like to have a Catholic Communion – for a change – nevertheless?
We have what you want! Cardinal Schoenborn is your friend! This year he has expressly authorised (for the third time) our new and beautiful…… Western Mass!
Look for yourself on Gloria.tv how modern, relevant, hip and FUN Catholicism can be!
“Things cannot remain as they are”. This is not I, dear friends, saying so. Who am I to say such things? Why would you ever believe me? No, this is the Cardinal himself! What a jolly good fellow he is…..
Come visit us next year! You’ll be able to sit at a table in a pleasant Biergarten whilst a western band plays some beloved evergreens. You’ll be able to take a sunbath with your little child, have a chat with your friends and in general have a lot of FUN, all whilst the Mass goes on. No time losses, no boring queues, no having to listen, no inconvenient fasting anymore! You’ll exchange the “sign of peace” across the tables. At Communion time, just go up and get your host in your hand; try not to have ketchup on them but hey: you’re eating, right? Just please stand up when the priest asks you to, you’ll feel very pious. And oh, please do, do try to be somewhat silent during Communion. We are very reverent.
Look at the video: how happy everyone is! How satisfied! Particularly the priest, entertaining you about the necessity to “change the way the Church does things” and to “reach out to everyone”. Capital fellow. So nice.
If you’d like to participate next year, please do give a look at the video and see that we are not telling lies. The video is in German (Austria, again; lots of fans in the area; beer is good, too), but we trust you’ll have a clear picture of what is happening anyway.
Before you look at the video, please send the children to bed and do not show this to sincere Catholics of an advanced age, or with a heart condition. We must take care, in a non-judgmental manner, of our less fortunate brothers who are unable to understand that we have to change and reach out to everyone.