To be totally truthful, the bottle opened itself-no really. I removed the foil and the wire cage from its top and in a split second the cork boomed forth with great violence knocking a hole in my den’s ceiling. Another odd-job has joined the list.
As I write, I have consumed almost half of it and am enjoying it immensely, like a condemned man might enjoy his last meal. My voluntarily assented to sobriety programme is just one of the medical delights my doctor has in store for me. I realise too late that there is a gaping hole right in the middle of medical education: all doctors should taste their own medicine before they dare administering it to others. Ain’t that the truth? Probably not.
My dry life commences at zero dark zero tonight BST. I won’t be doing this alone. I have been put into the hands of professionals who are well versed in the wily evasiveness of drinkers, who understand their every wiggle and wavering. These people seem to me like snake-charmers only they can charm much worse creatures than venomous serpents, such as myself.
I pray that I will be fast asleep at that point in time, and sleep on to find I have been sober for several hours already. That would be gently encouraging. I wish I could say “No sweat!” about all this, but I know there will be lots of perspiration involved, and tremors, and sleeplessness, and nightmares. My body and mind will miss their little helper. I shall be intolerable company to be around for some time to come. Come to think of it, I have already been intolerable company for my loved ones since before….. sorry I can’t remember.
I wouldn’t be writing any of this here at all if I didn’t have an ulterior motive…..wait for it…..
I ask you all for your prayers, for I will need your intercessions like I have never needed any things before, ever. It is for the best that I remember the line from the Anima Christi prayer:
….Blood of Christ, inebriate me….
Those words will become my salving mantra in the weeks and years ahead.
Errh, Cheers! May God bless us all merry, in season and out of season, for ever more.