From a Bishop’s blog: An Airport Encounter

In June 2001, on the 25th anniversary of his ordination to the priesthood, Father Timothy Michael Dolan was named the Auxiliary Bishop of St. Louis by Pope John Paul II. The new Bishop Dolan chose for his Episcopal motto the profession of faith of St. Peter: Ad Quem Ibimus, “Lord to whom shall we go?” (Jn 6:68).

He was installed as Archbishop of New York in April 2009, and is currently a member of the Board of Trustees of The Catholic University of America. He is also a member of the Pontifical Council for Promoting New Evangelization.

On June 29, 2009, Archbishop Dolan received the pallium, a symbol of his office as an archbishop, from His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI, at St. Peter’s Basilica. He was elected president of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops on November 16, 2010.

An entry on the Archbishop’s recent blog is reproduced below. Though disturbing in content, Archbishop Dolan’s style is disarmingly frank, and not without a welcome touch of humour. Above all his account is one which should inspire every Catholic to step up a gear in praying for all of our bishops and priests that they might have the strength and courage and wisdom to lead us in these troubled times:

It was only the third time it had happened to me in my nearly thirty-five happy years as a priest, all three times over the last nine-and-a-half years.

Other priests tell me it has happened to them a lot more.

Three is enough.  Each time has left me so shaken I was near nausea.

It happened last Friday . . .

I had just arrived at the Denver Airport, there to speak at their popular annual “Living Our Catholic Faith” conference.

As I was waiting with the others for the electronic train to take me to the terminal, a man, maybe in his mid-forties, waiting as well, came closer to me.

“Are you a Catholic priest?” he kindly asked.

“Sure am.  Nice to meet you,” says I, as I offered my hand.

He ignored it.  “I was raised a Catholic,” he replied, almost always a hint of a cut to come, but I was not prepared for the razor sharpness of the stiletto, as he went on, “and now, as a father of two boys, I can’t look at you or any other priest without thinking of a sexual abuser.”

What to respond?  Yell at him?  Cuss him out?  Apologize?  Deck him?  Express understanding?  I must admit all such reactions came to mind as I staggered with shame and anger from the damage of the wound he had inflicted with those stinging words.

“Well,” I recovered enough to remark, “I’m sure sorry you feel that way.  But, let me ask you, do you automatically presume a sexual abuser when you see a Rabbi or Protestant minister?”

“Not at all,” he came back through gritted teeth as we both boarded the train.

“How about when you see a coach, or a boy scout leader, or a foster parent, or a counsellor, or physician?”  I continued.

“Of course not!” he came back.  “What’s all that got to do with it?”

“A lot,” I stayed with him, “because each of those professions have as high a percentage of sexual abuse, if not even higher, than that of priests.”

“Well, that may be,” he retorted.  “But the Church is the only group that knew it was going on, did nothing about it, and kept transferring the perverts around.”

“You obviously never heard the stats on public school teachers,” I observed.  “In my home town of New York City alone, experts say the rate of sexual abuse among public school teachers is ten times higher than that of priests, and these abusers just get transferred around.”  (Had I known at that time the news in in last Sunday’s New York Times about the high rate of abuse of the most helpless in state supervised homes, with reported abusers simply transferred to another home, I would have mentioned that, too.)

To that he said nothing, so I went in for a further charge.

“Pardon me for being so blunt, but you sure were with me, so, let me ask:  when you look at yourself in a mirror, do you see a sex abuser?”

Now he was as taken aback as I had been two-minutes before.  “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sadly,” I answered, “studies tell us that most children sexually abused are victims of their own fathers or other family members.”

Enough of the debate, I concluded, as I saw him dazed.  So I tried to calm it down.

“So, I tell you what:  when I look at you, I won’t see a sex abuser, and I would appreciate the same consideration from you.”

The train had arrived at baggage claim, and we both exited together.

“Well then, why do we only hear this garbage about you priests,” he inquired, as he got a bit more pensive.

“We priests wonder the same thing.  I’ve got a few reasons if you’re interested.”

He nodded his head as we slowly walked to the carousel.

“For one,” I continued, “we priests deserve the more intense scrutiny, because people trust us more as we dare claim to represent God, so, when one of us do it – even if only a tiny minority of us ever have — it is more disgusting.”

“Two, I’m afraid there are many out there who have no love for the Church, and are itching to ruin us.  This is the issue they love to endlessly scourge us with.”

“And, three, I hate to say it,” as I wrapped it up, “there’s a lot of money to be made in suing the Catholic Church, while it’s hardly worth suing any of the other groups I mentioned before.”

We both by then had our luggage, and headed for the door.  He then put his hand out, the hand he had not extended five minutes earlier when I had put mine out to him.  We shook.

“Thanks.  Glad I met you.”

He halted a minute.  “You know, I think of the great priests I knew when I was a kid.  And now, because I work in IT at Regis University, I know some devoted Jesuits.  Shouldn’t judge all you guys because of the horrible sins of a few.”

“Thanks!,” I smiled.

I guess things were patched-up, because, as he walked away, he added, “At least I owe you a joke:  What happens when you can’t pay your exorcist?”

“Got me,” I answered.

“You get ‘re-possessed’!”

We both laughed and separated.

Notwithstanding the happy ending, I was still trembling . . . and almost felt like I needed an exorcism to expel my shattered soul, as I had to confront again the horror this whole mess has been to victims and their families, our Catholic people like the man I had just met . . . and to us priests.

http://blog.archny.org/

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7 Responses to From a Bishop’s blog: An Airport Encounter

  1. ann says:

    This account of Archbishop Dolan pierces my heart. I know–and all of us out there know many many good priests, some truly holy priests and many priests who may not be paragons but they show up, they do what we ask of them and they stick it out. In these days I think just showing up amounts to heroism if you’re a priest. I have been a school teacher and I can tell you for a fact that in my years of teaching I know of three teachers who were abusers and two of them moved on to other schools. Nothing much was made of the scandal in the media. I do not mean in any way to lessen the horror of those who have been victimized or the abomination of “a man of God” perpetrating such evil, but to automatically assume every priest is an abuser is an act of such rash judgement as to amount to calumny. We should all be praying for our priests, day and night, offering sacrifices to God for them, making sure they’ve got some serious spiritual cover because believe me their enemies are really the powers and principalities St. Paul speaks of, only being conveniently fronted by the media. I’ve made bold to comment by the way because you asked for more comments. I’ve only recently discovered your site and I enjoy it very much.

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  2. mmvc says:

    I couldn’t agree more with you, Ann.
    As mother of a lad with a vocation to the priesthood, I’ve become acutely aware of the need to pray for our bishops, priests…and our seminarians.

    You might also be interested in ‘prayersforpriests.com’, a special initiative offering targeted spiritual cover for individual priests. If you haven’t seen it yet, there are more details in this post: https://catholicismpure.wordpress.com/2010/09/24/prayers-for-priests/

    Glad you enjoy CP&S. It’s good to have you with us.

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  3. ann says:

    mmvc–thank you so much for the prayers for priests link. I always include seminarians in my intercession. God bless you and your son. When I bring all priests and seminarians to the altar at the sacrifice of the Mass in my intentions I will put him by “name” as mmvc’s son. And thank you for the welcome to the site.

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  4. mmvc says:

    I can’t thank you enough, Ann!
    Just to simplify things for you, my son’s name is Philip.
    I’ll pray for you and your intentions too.
    God bless,
    Maryla

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  5. ann says:

    MMVC–thank you for your son’s name. It will be a delight to offer prayer for Philip in my intentions, and what an interesting connection–my youngest son is also named Philip but alas, that is where the similarity ends. When he was a child I had high hopes for him for a vocation but he has gone far, far away from the Church. Many tears shed, many prayers offered and offering and I guess my bottom line is “Jesus I trust in You.” So your prayers are most welcome! Interesting how God works, isn’t it? Two Philips connected now by two mothers. Surely Our Lady is in this somewhere.

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  6. kathleen says:

    Ann,
    Nice to have you commenting on our blog.
    Yes, don’t give up hope; trust in Jesus. Remember St. Monica’s grief for her wayward son, St. Augustine, and how well rewarded her tears and prayers finally were.

    Going back to the topic of the post, I can only say how I admire all priests, bishops and nuns these days, who travel around in clerical dress, thus opening themselves up to abuse from Catholic-haters, or those with an axe to grind. It is courageous of them to stand out as a witness of their faith in this way. Sadly there are too many priests who don’t wear their Roman collars anymore, and nuns who no longer wear habits :-(.
    Do you think this is because they want to be “one of the crowd” and “modern” perhaps? Or is it because they fear being the target of encounters such as Archbishop Dolan’s, I wonder :?.

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  7. toadspittle says:

    .
    Toad read Archbishop Dolan’s account on Joyful Papist’s blog some weeks ago.
    His reaction then was “I don’t believe a word of it. Far too glib.”

    But then he’s a skeptical old ex-hack (Toad that is, not the Arch Bish.)

    And he still doesn’t believe it.
    But he does agree about priests dressing like priests. He habitually dresses all in black these days, and is occasionally mistaken for a priest.
    Which he greatly enjoys.

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